To make up for the snow days we missed he's making us write a paper on alcoholism. It's like he knows.
please remind me not to sleep with group members until after finals week.
He fucked my earring out of my ear. Of course he's coming over again.
If a Romanian girl's marriage isn't considered legal in the US then she's fair game right?
nope, if she's going to skank it up with ginge-a-saurus douche she deserves the silent treatment.
I blacked in at 6:30am on the last stop on the train with a random fedora on? And I'm pretty sure I rode in a limo last night while eating pizza
I'm calling into work tomorrow for day drinking and kitten shopping. Totally legitimate.
i was giving head the other day and thought of your all penis tastes the same quote and couldnt stop laughing
I think god invented us with two hands so we can grab an ass and spank it at the same time.
When I said I wanted you to make noise during sex, I didn't mean mocking ones.
His baby mama found the pictures of us, she couldn't see my face but she could see my asshole. So I'm safe.
My husband was abducted by a group of disco dancers in the parde and danced off down the street. If you see him, tell him to Hustle on home and clean the cat box. #MardiGras
last time we were there you stole a tap from the toilets. How are you confused that your bag is full of baubles you clearly can't stop collecting their furnishings
DO NOT FUCK YOUR ENGAGED GAY NEIGHBOR!
Adulthood is putting your bongs in the dishwasher because you're too lazy to clean them manually.
Are you ok dude?
Randomize
