They said "my eyes made me look intoxicated" ......we harassed them all night and we called the cops and told them that the bouncer that kicked us out was selling meth in the club ...and then we went to wendys
Stuck behind a lady in her 70's purchasing a plastic handle of vodka and nothing else. She is writing a check. Hello future.
Everytime I sleep with him he gives me another hint to what his tattoo means. I'm like a slutty Nancy Drew.
My sister got her picture in the pub crawl section of the paper today and my dad said to me "why can't you be more like her?"
The lid of our salsa is promoting a contest that ended in July '09
This was just another one of those days you wished you had a penis-size indicator instead of wasting your time isn't it?
The cops showed up and one of them got pushed in the pool. When he got out he looked really sad so I got him a towel and hugged him. He arrested all the underage drunkards but me.
Mixing coffee with vodka may have been a bad choice, I feel like I'm pregnant and the baby is trying to perform a c-section from the inside.
How is it that I've hooked up with not one but two guys in the children's section of a bookstore tonight?
You put on some guys Birkenstocks that were abandoned on the dance floor overtop of your flats. Then ran out of the bar high gives the bouncer and said "look at my new kicks" then he was like woah wait a minute someone is missing those and made you return them. You were very upset
I woke up on the floor with 2 cartons of cigarettes, a box of chocolate bars, and a business card for a man named Larry. Don't remember him, but if the Rols on his card is his, I might throw him a mouth party...
Seriously if we go to rome ur fucking me into the sunset on a wrought iron balcony overlooking Vatican City
I've got a tequila scented hand sanitizer for you.
you're the best roommate i could ever have.
If you think me talking about that hot guy accepting my LinkedIn request is pornographic, I’m not sure how you’re gonna feel when I tell you I fucked a stranger on a park bench last weekend
I once went to target high on hydrocodone. I assure you, they can handle unrespectable.
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