god I wish I could record you sometimes, you're so neurotic
ppl dont tell me stories about anal. apparently im not a tell-me-stories-about-anal kind of person
I think I could pass a breathalyzer. But with like a C.
I want a picture of impoverished children wearing Oregon national champions shirts.
Yes, I feel sorry for the tribe that gets those. They won't be able to hide from the lions.
If you're going to outback I'll have to decline, I've slept with a large enough portion of their staff already.
I have Retrograde Ejaculation as a side effect from one of my meds. Is this a respectable form of birth control?
He referred to his cock as "The cock" like it was third party or something.
There was a group of girls next to us. One was smiling at me. I only remember walking up and saying "oh you're Russian". Not sure where it went from there
Fuck you, you can't judge me til you've smelt my boobs.
Look, I'm just saying, she looks like a troll and works indefinitely at a shitty Chinese restaurant, so me sleeping with her boyfriend is the least of her troubles...
I just sent my ex off to a party, threw a condom at him, and told him to make good choices.
The ONLY reason I am doing laundry is because all my sweatpants are dirty.
Speaking of lightening speed, he ate me out while I was watching The Flash. If that's not winning at life idk what is
New one isn't as good asmy ex. She won't put her tongue up my butt
Peter this is your "ex"
I stand by what i said
The same idiot-bubble, now just bigger and louder.
Randomize
