I bet farrah fawcett is having words with michael jackson in heaven for stealing her thunder
I'm pretty sure "Like A Prayer" will forever remind me of drunk nights & pants down around the ankles
So how gross is it that Woopie Goldberg has a vagina? She's like the exact opposite of a boner....
i just practiced my bj skills on a banana in front of the mirror
its going to be a good night
Remember when we did the egg drop from the Dyson building? Her vag is like that, except with a ham, and the ham doesn't make it. I'll be back to the apartment in ten.
I automatically know you're drunk now as soon as you start yelling in spanish
There's a creepy homeless guy with no hand trying to get up on our tacobell order
The one thing I know about living in Vegas is the closest I'll ever come to being a father is singing the theme song from Full House to a garbage can while I eat an entire birthday cake.
I'm laying in bed with a case of beer,.. That's how this break up is going..
I'll even give you a complementary welcome blowjob.
Douche bag was crowd surfing, sack punched him. Crowd carried him away in a ball of agony. LIFE=COMPLETE.
Had sex with him again...yikes. and the whole time he kept saying "i wish we could do this forever." Forever lasted about 45 seconds
Was there a condom involved? Because he was saying he wanted a kid. Repeatedly.
There was nowhere else for me to go. I'm like the island of misfit toys but I'm hot.
I couldn't figure out what was more important, finishing the shot or putting out the fire on my leg.
Randomize
