I smell stomach acid.
She highfived me after i yelled "I'm the clit-commander!" when i came. kevin smith fan and clearly a keeper
I read the police report. You asked the cop if you could use his in-car computer to update your facebook. No way you get out of a DUI.
this is something i pride myself on being below average for
I bought this skirt with every intention to have it wrapped around my tits by the end of the night. So, I'm not a whore. I'm a self-fulfilling prophecy.
I wish you'd make everyone's lives easier and do him already. Then we can get rid of him.
In the middle of the State of the Union, she unzipped my pants and started giving me head. I've never been so proud to be an American.
I got woken up by a construction worker, turns out I was laying in a hallway, naked and wrapped in a matress pad. To answer your question no, I did not study for this test I got David Hasselhoff drunk
Remember when puke and rally meant a good time? Fuck pregnancy
I've reached the gravitational age where it's very hard to get my face and my boobs in the same shot without some kind of yoga involved .
Nevermind, there are three drinks waiting at the bar for me. I cannot disappoint this alcohol.
LOVE ME MORE THAN PIZZA CAN
One failed naked backward somersault off the bed and I realize - I either need to drink less or workout more. Perhaps both.
HE JUST ALLUDED TO FUCKING MY FRESH LOAF OF BREAD
I think the blind guy i flirt with on a regular basis is starting to realize he's old enough to be my father. I can't tell if he's into it or not.
Randomize
