haha i think we're both just down to be fuck buddies..but i do have a hickey and a bit of a big lip and fucking burns on my knees..note to self hooking up on a golf course is NOT that exciting
hahaha! you have a girlfriend
tell that to the new girl at work who i screwed on the washing machine today...
Playing the biology drinking game in my 8am. Drink everytime he says species or organism. I love st. Patricks day
Listen, i'm watching playoff hockey and eating waffles. i just don't have time for your drama today.
It reminded me of the time my mother gave my Bailey's in my stocking when I was 14.
I was going to make out with him...then he licked syrup off the kitchen floor.
Yes and yes. Got taken to a Florida strip club. I desperately want to flood my eyes and ears with hand sanitizer right now.
i think she just faxed a picture of her vag from the office copy machine... i mean what kind of sexting is that... wait is that even legal???
Yeah, if you don't like strip clubs you won't like microwave chimichangas.
Perfect. And my grandma just called me and talked to me for eighteen minutes telling me that she was worried because of my Halloween costume that I'm not a Christian and that I'm not eating. Wtf.
Getting day drunk before work is perfectly acceptable when its 99 cent margaritas.
No judgement. Sometimes you gotta twerk on a legends face.
I just plagiarized Dr. Curtis Connor's ideology from Spider-man in an essay on genetically engineered embryos. College: academic integrity at its finest.
Can you bring me the toilet please
yea plus he's gonna be wearing his gumby costume so that'll take a lot of pressure off too
Randomize
