he is naked. in. my. bed. happiest day. of my. LIFE.
What I wanna know is who took a picture eiffel towering her?
he's like a stage 5 clinger and he won't even fuck me. he has to be gay. my personality isn't really THAT great.
You're my spirit guide. This has to do with oatmeal cream pies.
You had me sold at "fucking you down the slide"
making an indian outfit so we can be pochohantas and john smith and fuck in the canoe on the night float
Accidently said "your going to hurt the baby" when he got forceful with his thrusts. I guess I forgot to mention to him that we are pregnant.
You screamed "I NEED TO GET THE WHOLE SET!" and then proceeded to try touching everyone's balls in the room
Though my hair looks fantastic i will unfortunately have to turn down your 4am sex offer
Fair warning: I will be throwing corn dogs at you every time I see you this week.
He just used the word frick. Is that a possible red flag?
I woke up with "To whom it may concern" sharpied on my dick
Don't take a pillow from my bed. You don't know which ones of them my vagina has been on
Last time we had sex i was dressed like a ninja turtle and someone else was in our bed, so this time should be fine.
I hope ur kiddin
wish i was
Granted, I did not plan to spend ANY hour of the last day of 2020 sober.
Randomize
