I will be home in 10 min. Dont be beating off on the couch
enter at your own risk
She might as well just lie down with one of those red "Easy Buttons" next to her
smell my finger.
Seriously, let me lead the intervention, my parents did like three with me. I know how it works.
Always fun waking up to 911 as your last dialed call.
Food Network. Taking bong rips everytime we want to eat. BOBBY FLAY.
ALTON JUST DID GRAVY SHOTS. THIS IS WHY HE'S MY HERO
I was in a house full of lesbians and they were all staring at me. I felt like the last cresent roll on Thanksgiving.
My bruised ribs were so worth that win in beer pong
I just Tebowed the shit out of her.
Nice and you can't use "Tebow" in the place of every verb.
That's what you get for dating construction workers you meet in tunnels.
You told me you had two boobs that want to be naked for me. I'm just following up on your request.
I felt like a responsible adult. A responsible adult that may or may not end up shitfaced. But not heaving purple puke into a urinal like last time because I'm classy now.
She acted like falling "up" the stairs was a fucking physics phenomenon. I call that Tuesday nights.
Did you make it home alright?
No I'm sitting under a tree by a cricket. He's alone crying out for someone to Fuck him. This guy gets me.
Randomize
