i told him that if he starts being sappy its friends = off. he called me jerkface and drew on me w permanent marker. im either in love w him or we are twelve.
I just added her as a friend on Facebook. I met her 5 minutes ago and there are already more than 50 pics of me uploaded... from other nights.
she said she'd get any tattoo I wanted ... so she's getting a large crossword puzzle as a tramp stamp. I'm the Einstein of doggy style
you know that saying beer then liquer makes you sicker, it should be beer then pickles makes you throw up alot, everywhere.
did you come by the house last night? I found a half eaten corn dog in the mail box.
He's hinting that I'm starting to be kicked out of their blunt rides, I can feel it.
She danced with a broom while telling me I was "cool as shit" and she "wishes she could take a portion of my big ass and attach it to hers" then she passed out
Had to belly crawl across the floor to the toilet with my eyes closed to puke my life out without making my hangover worse. Three times.
you should be awarded for your promiscuity.
i really should.
I feel like I got run over by a bus full of inebriated Scotsmen on the way to a soccer riot.
I didn't know how wild the party was going to be until one girl brought her pet raccoon
If I get one more "oh yaaaaa he changed your oil" texts, I'm gonna lose my shit
Just had a threesome for the second time in my life. I don;t even enjoy threesomes. Too much effort.
HOW DO THESE THINGS KEEP HAPPENING TO YOU?
I believe the only reason I am slightly functional right now is the leftover drugs in my nose that I keep sniffing
God. Spice Girls is now grocery store demographic. Kill me.
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