yo im tryna cop a beej tonight
whatcha mean you cant get rid of genital warts? thats not what my girlfriend says
It was mandatory to shotgun a beer before we were allowed to eat dinner
I know i should have focused more on what you were saying in the text rather than the fact you spelt "suicidal" wrong
You better be watching. There will be a POP quiz. Each correct answer gains you 5 more minutes of the sexual act of your choice
Just threw the poptarts. Sgits boutta go Down. 1 liter of wine
Well the pizza delivery man was either startled or incredibly intrigued to see me skateboarding in the living room by myself at 1 in the morning in ripped pantyhose
Lets be real here, you loved it when I was on top. With and without the machete.
A guy with the name Pootie Tang winked st me and a guy that doesn't speak English messaged me. These are my choices?
Well his dad was his wingman, so I had to fuck him. I didnt want his dad to think that he was doing a bad job and I was drunk enough to think he was doing a good job.
Score one for dad.
Bonded with the ladies at the perfume outlet by saying "help me smell like i'm not hungover before my shift starts". This is not where I wanted my life to be
Let's go get coffee and handcuffs.
So I have three weeks to get rid of his girlfriend and fuck him senseless before he goes to jail
Reminder to self: never have sex on a trampoline. Trampoline burn hurts worse than carpet burn.
I’ve been home 1 day and already had sex with my ex and got a blowie from her cousin and currently I’m getting molested by a cougar at the bar!!!! Plenty to give thanks for this year!!!!
Randomize
