my neighbors are having lesbo sex right now.
I'm on my way.
I haven't been "cry when you eat ben and jerrys" high in a while.
i caught the condom in my mouth.. dont ask me how
You are forgiven. I sent you a picture of a pumpkin man as a gesture of reconciliation.
He told me to fuck off at some point in the night. I think it was right before he jumped out of a moving car trying to get to another bar and made Abby cry.
If you value your immune system buddy, walk away from that one.
I am just going to stick my boobs out and hope for the best
you know, i'm always afraid you're going to think i only want you for sex because i only text you when i'm horny
speaking of, guess what i'm thinking about
You looked at me, said I was a nice guy. Then you drunkenly climbed on top of me and said you liked me and wanted me.
I know right? It's like he knows how to pleasure me better than I do myself... He's like a prophet of sex
there's fucking coffee grinds packed all inside my pipe. what did i do
Dude. If you guys end up really liking each other, the color of his pubes won't matter. I wouldn't break a sweat.
I hate when pretentious people talk bad ab corn dogs
Hey, um, after thinking about it, I decided I really don't want to use applying olive oil to your ass for your fissure as part of foreplay because... well... really? Just read that again.
and by running errands I mean eating an entire bag of milanos by myself in the Walmart parking lot
Randomize
