Please forgive me. I will pay for your emergency room visit.
Jesus was obviously not given an itemized list of your sins before he died for them
my mom just informed me my dog smells like cum
Yeah, but thats the third time she's peed on me.
Dude you called me last night to let me listen to you piss in a cup and drink it. Just making sure you survived
Now that Steinbrenner is in heaven he's going to make Jesus cut his hair
i looked at my phone & had a message that said "tell your friend she needs to clean my livingroom, i dont appreciate her trying to turn it into a bubblebath." I give you probs.
Nope. Too hot. We just sat in my tub with cold water spraying on us drinking coronas. This summer heat is killing my libido slowly
Boise Idaho, where you have a one night stand with someone from your town 3 states away and run into them the day you return...
Nah. After about 5 shots he decided he needed to clean the gutters. We're headed to the hospital now so meet us there.
I did my patriotic duty. I woke up next to a veteran this morning.
I have fence marks all over my body
I have the overwhelming need to take care of him. Both with my vagina and like emotionally.
Every time I start to trust vodka, it does this to me.
I woke up at 6 and was laying at the top of my stairs.
Randomize
