I just heard a mom tell her toddler son "shut the fuck up. Don't ask me to buy you shit when i'm taking u to go see some fucking animals" welcome to the bronx.
his personality makes his face look like an asshole.
She thought I was gay, so I told her I'd be more comfortable with anal. She agreed.
He just asked me if his big had a curved penis. Awkward? I think so.
i seriously have like 9 pictures of people taking shots out of a vag on my camera....
I can't think of anything besides pubic hair fallout. Ugh.
its not like she's the last girl on the planet with symmetrical breasts and great skin
She just pulled out a chicken strip and a hundred dollar bill from her purse. This is a legit twentyfirst bday weekend.
My neighbors are outside blasting Hootie and the Blowfish while drunkenly hitting a stump with a hammer. I could get used to this.
The paramedics were not my fault this time.
woke up in the back seat of my car with a naked chick and my brother tapping on the window. yup, what a night
He is a sweet angel sent from dick heaven!
Putting plan B on my parents credit card wasn't the smartest idea
Oh lord. I have no recollection. I just got up. Surveying the damage. Found phone with messages out by pool. Still have not located my top or determined when i stopped wearing it
how the FUCK did i spend 25 dollars at 50 cent beer night?
Randomize
