I can feel you judging me through the phone.
would you kill someone to have someone deliver pancakes to you when you were high?
You are the patron saint of my drinking problem.
It really ruins the moment when you have to ask to resend the nude pics.
i told you that I felt like my feet were melting into the ground and you starting blowing on them to put out the "invisible fire". thanks friend.
I really wanna know when trying to grow up turned into try not to throw up.
im still going. this is my new reality. also. dont take glowsticks in the bath. they explode. actually. do. it. its beautiful.
i dont think thats healthy man...
I just made a cocktail. Had one shot of vodka left. It looked lonely so I decided to reunite it with its vodka friends in my bloodstream.
Starting the day at 1:44 in the afternoon. With a hot pocket and a mixer. Who knew my life had this kind of possibility.
He looks like he was the one that always had koolaid stains around his mouth as a kid, he can fuck off.
We need a shit load of segways right now
I watch one musical on Netflix, and the "Suggested for you" section is literally almost the entire gay movie category. I feel profiled, and netflixs' accuracy about my sexuality is both impressive and offensive.
I tried to cut you?! I'm sorry! PS where's my hair?
I’d feel the same about religion. We can talk about it, but I want you to go down on me first
You ran up a $300 bar bill on his card and he didn't have you arrested, be grateful and move on.
HIGH AS FUCK. JUST WATCHED THE TRIPPIEST VIDEO EVER. IM NOT SCARED OF PANDAS. I GOTTA GO. TRIPPIN AGAIN
Randomize
