Yup u can hook up with me now and not goto jail
Remember that sex scene from American Psycho?
Ya, why?
We should try that some time.
I fink we're distracting them from bumping the proverbial uglies
Well, its 5:30am and you haven't let me in, I guess ill go home
As of this morning, vodka still has the other side of my BFF necklace. She treats me right.
I only have two new blunt burns this year as opposed to freshman year's 6. This is growing up.
Margaritas are 250 calories. Now measuring all food in margaritas
Potato salad is not cupcake ingredient
A surprise thumb up the ass and I'm wide awake. She was right, no need for caffine pills I could fight ninjas now.
I woke up with hair in my teeth and half his beard was missing.
She just asked if I wanted to eat nachos off of her boobs... I'm going to marry this girl.
Mom just told me I need to start having sex.
currently working on a look that screams, "I'm dead inside, but still trying to enjoy the ride"
I tried to flirt with him by saying "catholics are cool" and he handed me a cup of water so i called him jesus and thanked him for the wine
Last night when we were having sex he put the condom on backwards the first time. While he was putting the second one on I blew up the first one, made it into a balloon and hit him in the head with it. I think we're over the honeymoon stage.
Randomize
