Dude, she had a vegina. I felt like Indiana Jones cutting a path through the jungle.
It made me feel like I need a reality show of my life so I could go back and watch the episodes to figure out how I got from the trunk of the car to my neighbors tree house...
woke up this morning with a pool of champagne in my purse. apparently i was saving it for later.
$22.99 left in the bank til payday = 3($7 jack & coke) + 2($0.89 T-Bell taco) + $0.21 in case of emergency.
math is fun
But when he came on my stomach I noticed how tan I was!
Is moral bankruptcy something you need to file for?
Just start grabbing cocks. It can't go wrong! Just say you thought you knew him and wanted to check.
Your little brother is asking me for an "expert opinion" on his dick size.
Correct me if I'm wrong, but did you let me pee in the grass while barking? And also, how many of you have videos?
Your cock deserves a montage
My lunch = taste testing salsas for A&P. They gave me a free 64oz grape juice as a thank you. So, now we have something to drink in the house. So while you are spending all the money on breakfast rolls and pizza for lunch, I'm cigaretteless and whoring myself for tablespoons of salsa and free juice.
He made me chicken tenders and margaritas in preparation for me to take a pregnancy test at his place later tonight. Like...seriously.
After we won that round of beer pong you attempted to swallow the winning ball whole claiming you had the mouth and jaw of a snake.
A snake? I must've been gone...
After that you got naked and hissed at people the rest of the night..
I just woke up and I don't really remember anything past 1pm. How much am I missing?
A good 10-11 hours. You got laid twice. Also, you out-ran a cop and played football with a lamp.
He ate me out on a washing machine in the 24 hour laundromat. Whoever watches that security camera footage is getting a show!
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