I'm in a room alone pouting because I got the wrong nachos at taco bell.
He told me they were just razor bumps!
I've done unspeakable things to your penis. I have every right to give it a name.
He's so gross, but the preschooler inside me is screaming that this is her life dream and I have to be with him or she'll never forgive me.
yea im pretty sure it has something do with my love of forearms...
Thoughts of banging the girl who just opened my beer with her teeth?
There are a bunch of highly educated, advanced in their field, PUSSY ASS BITCHES in this bar
The upside of a losing football weekend is that there are more sad frat boys willing to let loose their inner gay man.
We left the bar and you kept yelling "ONWARD SCION, TO GLORY!!"
Let's knock shit down like godzilla and have intense sex in the rubble
I'm high. ignore me
There are far too many naked dudes in your apartment, and they aren't even watching porn. I mean seriously, they've got the Lion King on.
That's probably why white girls drink so much espresso. Piledriving coke and vodka crans takes a fucking toll man
Happy 4 year arrest-aversary! I promise no thanksgiving has been as eventful as that one haha..
He corrected my spelling during sexting.
A dozen naked frat boys in squirrel masks just ran by. Welcome to the official start of the holidays.
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