Fat chicks shouldn't bartend
Neighbors just bought a new bong. Got high with them and we decided to name it "Gary colemans sweet sugarlumps" these guys are hilarious
I'm pretty sure that I'm earning a horrible reputation with your friends, but I'm having a fucking great time in the process.
I learned 3 things lastnight....1. Turkeys are related to the t-rex. 2. Whales have leg bones cause they used to walk. 3. I will sing drunk in the waffle house, but not during karaoke in the bar
Under someone's bed. Not sure whose. I think they're sleeping in it.
you were wearing a pair of wings and handing out McDonalds apple pies, if anyone refers to you as the "Rave Fairy" you now know why.
THIS EXPLAINS SO MUCH.
Dude, those shrooms u gave me made me remember writing the bible. Fuckn awesome
I'm far too poor to be letting my hookups wear my shirts home. I'm down to about a total of 8 shirts and have no intention of buying more
There was a comma in between her and dick. I was calling you a dick. Jesus.
And I am bleeding like slutty girl #1 In a horror movie
If you don't believe in my fighting skills, I don't know if we can be together
Your grandma changed her Netflix password :(
Okay I'm ready to show you that my weiner still works
Too late, I'm convinced it's broken
If I could I'd magically teleport drugs and alcohol to you. Like a bad decision fairy.
Danny put 5 hr energy in the jungle juice (that brilliant bastard) and I almost showed my penis to Alex. It was a rough night.
Randomize
