a/c is broke at work...just took my panties off at my desk and the janitor saw it...might have a date for later. let you know
Is it bad that Pitbull has taught me more Spanish than high school did?
it feels good to walk into a CVS and not go straight to the pharmacy counter for plan b. its been a while....
Totally just met the chick getting nailed in our lobby last night. Should I bring it up?
Omg you had literally better be on fire, drowning, and being crucified all at the same time to be calling me at 7:30 in the goddamn morning.
You know just sitting here carrying on a conversation with a 5 yr old about why there is puke at the landing of the staircase
drunk caitlyn doesn't know how to work gmail. so know an email has been sent to the entire campus with a picture of me naked eating a bagel attached.
My mom just sent me this: "I like Jon, but he needs to be the one going down on you! Yeah, we saw your head pop up in your car last night."
Sorry you had to clean the sheets with your macro notes
I feel like at this point in my life I should be dating someone who doesn't run out of all his money on Mondays and have to wait til fridy to buy his weed
Worse than that. I caught my roommate jerking off to a topless stripper in gta 5.
I'm so high right now that I'm wearing gloves.
It's a family event: you have to drink. No way around it. Its the law.
I told you about the baby at the graduation party that looked into my eyes and knew I was empty inside
I refuse to take any type of advice let alone love advice from a motherfucker who is missing 3 fingers from a Fucked up masturbating accident.
Randomize
