im at the bar and i misjudged a fart...go home or ride the night out?Never mind, the bouncer made the decision for me...be home soon
i just heard the ice cream truck outside while mid-masturbation. i stopped and considered running outside to buy one.
he had his head down and said he was listening for the buffalo, he had to still be drunk.
She's never going to forget it... Christmas Anal.
HE'S turngign 18teen real soon.k
The cops just showed up and arrested her. It's our 2nd date. Do I have to hang out her with her 3 kids until she makes bail or can I leave?
he made a bon jovi sex playlist and started crying when "i'll be there" came on... how was your night?
You told us that you don't have to wait in line at Taco Bell. Then, drove up to the window and grabbed someone else's food.
So hungover im counting my own breaths to make sure im not dead. The odds hurt.
Signs of a stoner: trying everything in your fridge topped with peanut butter to seek satisfaction.
Random pof guy just messaged me initiating a Pokemon battle. Want to be a bridesmaid?
I try not to flex my sex appeal too much around the engineers, it's like feeding bears...always ends in disaster.
He just pulled his sweatpants down and pissed in the middle of our garden
And if you haven't kicked a pigeon you haven't started your morning right
Wanna guess where my charger was last night.....in my cooler with my beer. I put it in there because I knew I would never forget my beer.
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