Revenge fucks should not count towards the total number. They're justified.
I just found a bagel and a condom in my coat pocket. I love blackouts
Worst PDA I've ever seen. She even licked the mustard off his mustach
I'm texting you from across the beer pong table to tell you that the drunk chick you brought over needs to disappear. like now.
Monday: I just need a drink Tuesday: OMG no more this week! Wednesday: oh shit how'd I get drunk Thursday: I'm glad you've stopped the pretenses
Well I almost walked away with an Irish guy's boarding pass and some south guy's dignity
Dave used his AAA card to get my car towed to my house so I could get drunk. Evil genius.
I was living a snoop dogg song I fucked her on the floor so I wouldn't mess up my bed
2 reasons we need to wear those onesies to the bar more ofter 1) comfy as shit 2) we both still got laid\n\nHow can you resist that kinda night?
We had sex in the morning in pregnant lady position. Like fuck me like the hott piece of ass that I am, not your wife of 7 years.
I found her in my pantry with her shirt off twerking...I tapped her on the shoulder and she said she was giving Chef Boyardee a show and to give her a minute...
I just woke up drenched in beer, in a puddle of beer, and cuddling a bottle of tequila
It was all going good until I realized she was wearing underwear with a butt flap. Mission aborted.
I don't want them thinking I'm like, "Mm, yeah, kitchenware in my ass please."
I had a date last night. His dog threw up in his bed while we were having sex in it.
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