when your hometown is famous for abortion clinic bombings, hurricanes, and jude law's newest bastard, its probably time to move.
no, i dont want the owner to like me bc i dedazzled my vagina
Just told the nurse I wouldn't get on the scale. Told her to write FAT.
Wearing the BK Crown on the throne while dropping the kids off at the pool? Yes, one of my life's goals. Win
Woke up this morning on my couch at 6am fully dressed including heels, holding half a corn dog. I called you last night when I was buying the corn dog from a street vendor, I think.
I am in love with you.
We made the pizza boy do Jell-o shots with us. He didn't even deliver to our house, we just called him over from the neighbors
I have glow sticks stuck to my boobs and a missed call from the 911. I'd say last night was a success.
I'm beginning to think the entirety of my appeal is due to the size of my ass.
Step 1: chug a red bull vodka with no ice Step 2: chase that with a shot of wild turkey Step 3: chase that with a shot of tequila
Step 4: your drunk
I don't fucking know. I'm out stimulating the economy. Not locked in a room with a marker board.
Oh at the liquor store again?
I mean, I already put pants on today. We're already halfway there
At least you didn't sleep with Ashley's uncle.
They filled a kiddie pool with lube and glitter.
I swear to God if you fuck my cousin I will fuck your dad.
Where is Holly?
Nevermind. i can hear her having sex two doors down
Randomize
