I woke up hugging a loaf of bread and a water bottle this morning
My face left an imprint in the loaf...
No more tipping the bathroom attendant with your phone.
If I have to take him to the hospital, I'm drawing dicks on his face
Omg considering I am covered in cake and probably cocaine that is the greatest news I have ever heard
Dude if our hands were ladels we could work at a soup kitchen
That would be so convenient
And I was aware of my actions - that is not a penis I will say no to until I have a ring on my finger
I am literally the only girl who can black out and wake up pantsless and STILL be 99% sure I didn't get any.
Being invited to eat tater tots at 1:30am by a rly hot girl then actually only eating tater tots is a major let down. Tasty, but still a let down
If he's the sort of guy that will fuck in a public restroom, he's the sort of guy that will cheat on his gf. I'm goin for it.
It's probably because the lack of alcohol in your stomach. Alcohol kills bacteria. I am a doctor. Trust me
i don't find him as attractive when he's dressed as himself...bring back Indiana jones and I would so fuck him again
YOU HAVE BEEN BAD TOUCHED BY THE LEPRECHAUN OF CHOICES
You danced?!
I just jiggle to the beat like a sexy lava lamp
You kicked my dad IN THE NUTS right when he walked in.
Sorry, man. Thought he was a cop.
I could have sworn that I went home last night... but judging from the couch I just woke up on, apparently not.
Randomize
