I just passed one of the bars and saw my mom kissing another woman. This can't be good....right?
Knowing your life, probably not.
me texting you is like we have secret walkie talkies.
The one night I bring a girl home you leave the footloose soundtrack playing.
Apparently I climbed into a dryer last night and refused to leave... There are pictures to prove it
I'm glad you trust me to be your sex stat keeper.
He threw up. He never throws up. It was like finding out superman cant fly anymore. I was so sad for him.
They kept trying to slap each other but they were poring beer onto their hands first referring to it as their baby powder
Nothing says Welcome to America than having the international house watch a sorority girl puke over the edge of the porch at 8am.
I feel like god wrote up a contract of my life, and i just signed off on that shit without reading the fine print.
The only thing I remember is doing a toddlers and tiaras dance routine onstage. I fucking CURTSIED.
OMG stop. Pretty feet? Sparkle baby!
I FEEL like I celebrated someone's 21st, but really I just celebrated Tuesday.
Actually, I take that back. You can only have it if I'm allowed to French braid the mullet.
Someone has big plans this weekend. Just went to throw away the trash and saw packaging for 3 different vibrators on the top of the stack
Who knew sons of strippers would be really feminist boyfriends?
Ahhh, beer. My second favorite breakfast drink.
Randomize
