He muttered something about having just washed he sheets, then demanded I give him all my quarters.
I was curling my hair today and I looked at my curling iron and thought...
You at least unplugged it right?
taking a shot every time they compare curling to a real sport
The family from the blindsided came and talked to us last night. The dad owns 68 taco bells. You would have been so inspired
My present? It was a fake boarding pass he made in Photoshop. He litterally just gave me a one way ticket to Pound Town
Seriously. There are at least 10 other people drinking at the bar with me at 10:40. Im justifying it with the fact that I've been up since 5am.
Hopefully my orange shoes will distract people's attention from my crippling awkwardness
Due to last night I think a roommate constitution should be made. The first law will be designed to prevent any chicks below a 4 to enter the house.
There was a huge crash. I came out of my room to find you sprawled out at the bottom of the stairs in your bra and panties. You looked at me, yelled 'WHAT AM I DOING WITH MY LIFE' and then ran back into his room.
That was a very uncomfortable conversation to have without pants on. But his mom was pretty cool about it.
We don't have the same problems as normal people do we?
The guy whose porn password I use finally renewed his membership. Lazy fucker had been slacking all summer.
A million fucking miles away, and the sun still manages to fuck my hungover mornings up.
I don't care how hot she was, she wouldn't stop singing "Shut Up and Dance", instant boner-killer.
you asked if you could borrow my vagina for the night
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