Make me a promise>>> if you ever see the brats from that tv show NYC Prep walking around, you will trip them, and you wil throw drinks on them
vicodin is the reason why I believe in magic
Well It's time to grow up anyways, right? Now that you're graduated and have a job you can't drink uncontrollably
No. Now that I'm graduated I can drink uncontrollably at nicer bars
You know, he picked a really shitty time to stop sleeping with me to pay attention to his girlfriend.
I'm drinking and throwing an enormous tennis ball at children. I couldn't be happier.
Hate is such a strong word! I prefer to think that you strongly dislike me due to the honesty I show towards your routine shortcomings of success in life.
Was there a Canadian at your party or did I dream that?
This hangover is so bad, we are pregaming Chinese food with pizza.
Just woke up with an eye that wont open, a half eaten piece of pizza on my chest and a raging boner.
Just threw up in front of the Boy Scouts on my base. Welcome to the Navy kids.
Summers almost over and we haven't golfed, got naked or had sex yet. Let's do all three in one day, no particular order.
Bro, if we got a house, it'd basically be a revolving door for slightly overweight, but extra cute, sexually deviant girls with daddy issues.
you know you're a stoner girl when you get a callus from your grinder
And as drunk as I was I was able to show my mom how to make text italicized in Microsoft word
You threw up at the outdoor bar and it was pretty...astonishing just how much can come out of such a small human.
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