I think east. Tornado watch. What the fuck are you doing in Texarkana?
Bonnaroo. Tornado watch? Expand on that thought.
Watch for tornadoes.
Just so you know, I have a bf.
I guess as long as you bring single girls over and cook cannolis you will still be useful.
We're playing Edward Bottle-of-eight-dollar-sale-wine-hands now
Thank you, bloody toiletpaper I found in the hamper. I was worried that today was going to be boring.
Everyone is hammered wasted already...young, old, the dying, babies...we got them all
Listen to me plotting my whoredom.
Let's play, "guess how long my Neighbours have been watching me dance naked".
I just looked at your pics on Facebook....there was cake? Where the fuck was I!?
Oh were you the stripper at that club last Sunday when i was trippin on acid wearing a giraffe outfit?
So after my hot dog popped out of the bun and fell to the ground I tried to pick it back up and eat it. He had to kick it away from me to stop me from trying to pick it back up and eat it. I like him.
I HAVENT HAD A NICE A NICE DICK SINCE FEBRUARY!! I WANNA KEEP THIS ONE!!!
Sorry my friend with benefits tried to run you over with his car
It's 8 in the morning and you're doing coke and drinking margaritas. First, you have a problem. Second, why didn't you invite me?
Can I just swipe right on his dad?
Turns out dignity is priceless and Plan B costs $41.09
Randomize
