Is it bad that Pitbull has taught me more Spanish than high school did?
I don't know what kind of drugs you were on last night but you kept trying to highlight my face because you said I was important
I have sucked so much dick this week I think I am going to start sweating semen
I got it! After our exam we take shots for every question we skipped!!!
I don't wanna die...
I wonder if that one guy remembers you sticking salami to his forehead when he was passed out on new years eve.
i shit in a pringles can and hid it somewhere in your house....happy hunting
You need to call dibs on the blond with the tits. It's your birthday.
Haha hell yea
Because if someone gets to see those.. It should be you. It's like God telling you Happy Birthday.
We're not piercing ourselves today.
Time to eat Mexican food til I hate myself.
That's completely alright, I do it a lot.
He offered to take my unemployed self out for drinks, but I really just want him to buy me the Beyoncé album
If you kill yourself you won't get to feel that feeling when you have a good shit in the morning. Arent you gonna miss that?
My only contacts are booty calls or the club hockey team.
just put a ruler in a cup trying to measure how much ivve had to drink..... God help me
So I woke up this morning to find my laptop open, with a google search for "where to buy marble", and a hungover naked northern girl in my bed who told me that I claimed to be a sculptor last night and that I promised to sculpt a bust of her hands...
I didn’t say it was classy, I said it was sexy
Randomize
