She was running around the bar, demanding everyone call her Jesus or else she would attack them like a llama. ack.
He asked if it was my vagina. I told him it was my butt. Clearly I need to buy him a map of the female form.
Waaait I'm alsleep in myt car somewhere
How do I introduce myself to her without coming off as "the guy who jacks-off to her profile pic"?
i think i recognize dicks better than faces
I just delivered a ham and cheese to a strip club. you were right this job is not that bad
white shorts are a girls way of saying "im ready to fuck cuz its not my time of month"
Thank you for not puking on my lap during the first class of the semester. And fuck you for doing it in the second.
Dropping the entire last roll of TP into the toilet is a hurt you don't want to know.
Why is your solution always to masturbate
Because it usually works
I need you to perform a face transplant. Please remove your face from your accounting book and relocate it to where it's most needed - between my legs.
Dude...are you really going to start sexting during our friend's memorial service?
I still can't believe I was army crawling thru his backyard at 2am..
You're now part of the minority of friends who haven't seen my boobs.
Looking back, we probably shouldn't have chased alcohol with more alcohol
Randomize
