I can't remember last night. I must have yelled at your girlfriend til she cried again.
Yup.
hahaha Yeah oh well, she wrote on my facebook wall, That's almost like a digital hand job
Waldo just asked us for directions. Even he doesn't know where he is.
i woke up with a shattered plate next to my head.
It was like she tried to cover up all the weight she gained with a fake tan...
You broke into someone's house and stole a pan of lasagna.
It's end St Patricks day. I'm gonna need a leash. And a bib. And a rain check on anything considered dignifying.
I should have made a run for it. Seriously who calls the cops on themselves and goes to jail. ...on a Monday.
Could we try to replay the decision making process whereby only you and I bought and drank a keg this weekend? Because there were some fundamental flaws!
I only blacked out one night of three if that isn't fucking personal growth idk what is
There something liberating about walking through the dorm hallways without pants on.
the fact that you trapped hornets in a mailing tube to put in his mailbox does not surprise me sadly.
Can't really tell your Mom you are moody due to dick deprivation.
I just got a robo call from the Addiction Help Line. Not sure how to take that.
He eats kale on the regular. Do I look like a bitch that wants to eat kale. No. Give me some Boston market.
Randomize
