Yeah we had sex for the first time last night and all the text he sent me afterwards said was “heh”
Rosebud was a fucking sled. Gay.
just cheers'ed a flock of cattle as i drove past eating a burger i bought 7 hours ago. that high.
I'm not leaving bed today. And i guess my drunken ass last night hit my roommate in the face with a tiki torch then proceeded to cry while carrying around a picture of he who must not being name. I'm a piece of work.
I am listening to lecture and I can hear us in the background talking about anal beads.
We just had a sexually tense moment where we both chose the trough the pee. I love gay clubs.
Our date was amazing and I would like to reward you with a blow job under your desk.
I can pencil you in at 3:30
That awesome feeling when you are pooping on the same toilet that nobel laureates have pooped on
I think drinking White Russians at half past four in the afternoon is perfectly acceptable. I'd bought a LOT of milk and cream that needs to be used up. Resourceful, check, fuckable, check. You have a great girlfriend here pal.
Did we do anything stupid last night besides hook up with our ex girlfriends?
I mean I'm not saying I have my life together but I did just put nerds in a bottle of champagne and then drank from the bottle
It's days like today, when my bra and underwear match, that make me feel like I'm getting my life together...
I'm not strong. I'm hormonal, sad, lonely, and trying to get laid via tinder
How did your walk of shame include a trip to Walmart and how did you bump into the cop that arrested you last night there?
Wait you took his virginity AND broke his bed doing it
I know! I’m the best!
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