did not feel like going to store to get condoms last night so went to her pantry and got a sandwich bag and a rubberband
did it work?
nope
she always winds up in the cupboards its nothing new.
I bet. I bought a surfboard and a kite and filled my camelback with vodka-tonics. Let's do this
She looked at me and said "i like penises." and then passed out with her condom balloon animal in her hands.
Too many penises have met your hands. Stop or die.
So our annual Dick Trip has been tentatively scheduled for the week of July 1 - 5. This years theme is "Fucking for Freedom".
I'm reliable. I always make it home. I always throw up in the street too.
You had sex with a mute, how is that not funny
Who knew I could feel anymore shameful at the bar than i usually do...I think my bartender recognizes me from the walk of shame out of his house after i hooked up with his son yesterday
We're ordering chinese food so if you want to get on this obesity train answer me now.
so, i guess i gotta chill on showing up to work hungover... someone anonymously left a bible in my work mailbox (no one else got one)
Any man who can do squats while fucking you is a man worth keeping.
Why exactly is there a butt plug on the counter?
I'm eating chicken wings naked and hungover at 10am... Happy bday to me
is it bad that there is a girl in my bed right now and the only thing i can think about is the fect that its after 3am which means i cant order jimmyjohns unitll tomorrow?
Randomize
