Whoa! I think of you when I eat cottage cheese.
I didn't think it was possible for the human body to be physically dependant on weed until I moved in with this kid
After watching Cinemax for a few months, real porn just grosses me out.
I passed out on the floor of a truck stop. Drinking binge 2011 is now over.
Just orgasmed in traffic. Starting to have feelings for my commute.
My boyfriend correctly calculated the time I would be out of alcohol and showed up about four minutes after I'd run out with two bottles of wine. I think this is love.
I believe I won the Golden Vodka Bottle of sadness last night for crying while being party boyed.
just filed my taxes drunk as balls. i may be going to jail.
Cuz I feel like I ate the whole candy isle at 7/11 last night and chased it with rum
You pretty much did tho
He's listening to "my heart will go on" by himself in the living and its not even noon. MAKE IT STOP.
Like you can't just be like oh bb and THEN SEND ME A FUCKING PICTURE OF MY 8TH GRADE FAT SELF IN A TACO COSTUME
I was on antibiotics for a bladder infection and couldn't drink and you told me there was no longer room in your life for me.
I don't think you could pull off being mean.
How do you think I'm still single?
Just waxed 95% of the hair off my vag. If he doesn't enjoy this tonight, you will, whether you like it or not.
I think/hope James is drunk. He's standing in the front lawn loudly declaring "I AM a popsicle!" Over and over....
Randomize
