I'm eating all of the evidence.
i just saw an asian skipping down the street and it made me think of you
Do you ever creep on the girls you have banged and wondered how their walk of shame went?
you turned on the Care Bears movie at 5am and kept screaming "I CARE"
So I'm probably the first guy in history to tap out of a blowjob.
WHAT DO YOU MEAN I DIDN'T APOLOGIZE? THERE WAS A PEACE OFFERING MADE VIA TACO BELL.
Is 'too horny to study' a good enough medical excuse to not take a final?
This makes me miss penis. Not in a horny way... but in a sad, sentimental way.
And on the subject of embracing my inner whore, I had two different dicks in my mouth yesterday. Friend, it's official. I'm completely outta control.
ask me again when I'm sobewr aka tuesday
I just tried to make cleaning gasoline off your shoes with toilet paper in the Chemistry Building bathroom look normal. I failed.
My mom just found my nipple clamps...... oh God why....
It was super embarrassing when I had to tell my brother, in front of my mother, that my wifi password was Drinkupbitches. Thanks for providing that lovely family moment.
Are you still free tonight?
Oh shit I kinda forgot and took acid
Eating chips and sending nudes. This is my life.
Randomize
