What happened to our ballroom dancing plans
all adderall does is make me the grand champion of using wikipedia.
you were sitting on the floor cleaning up your own puke and telling my mom she should hire you as a maid.
Now for something completely different: ive figured out how to eat a banana without insinuating something completely naughty
just tried to pee in the sink at wendys...need to stop letting my drunk habits get into my sober life
The neighborhood kids rang the doorbell in the middle of my first bong rip to ask if they could use my trampoline for the thirtieth time today...I opened the door and pretended to puke up a shitload of smoke, I have never seen a more terrified group of children
The next time i black out make sure i remove the ping pong balls from my weave. Especially before my first day of classes.
Seriously how many times do I have to sleep with him before he stops calling me dude
Can we just discuss how hundreds of miles away we were both beyond drunk and in some boys bed. That is the definition of friendship.
Nothing ends a night of heavy drinking better than banging to three six mafia in your own driveway
I'm like 80% sure we nearly got arrested because we threw fireworks at a car
Might I also add after my boss threw up in the garbage can and yelled puking rally, he dougied, then told me I wasn't about that life.
It's Been a while since I puked in vomit bush. I hope it doesn't feel neglected
I will feed you tacos. I will touch your butt. Happy Valentine's Day ❤️
No dude 10 parakeets in your bedroom is 9 parakeets too many. Bring them back. Today!
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