i'm watching the fashion show on bravo
you're cheating on project runway?
if you can't score coke, you buy crack.
We dont have to go to dinner or anything gay like that. I just wanna do it.
I absolutely love you.
bubblegum was invented today. we're getting drunk. end of story.
Selling Girl Scout Cookies outside bars for higher than retail value has got to be the most profitable idea. Ever.
The second I saw you stumbling down the stairs in a princess crown, I knew I had a friend for life.
Why do you have to go to the hospital?
I gotta apologize to a male nurse who's tryin to press assault charges on me
Eating a popsicle in the shower was the best idea I've had in ages.
Brandon's Recipe: two parts cocoa, one part sugar, one part milk, two parts four, 378 parts paranoia. Thanks for the fucking brownies, bitch.
I mean, two foreign guys have drunkenly confessed their love for her, so she's clearly doing something right.
Please ask me to tell you about the time I watched two of my friends chase my drunk roommate with a broken foot around downtown
Literally just inhaled three cinnamon rolls. Sara is staring. It was inhuman
it is my last wish that my tale be published posthumously as a warning to anyone thinking of eating burger king at nine am
you know that australian accents are like the bat signal to my vagina
It's 9:07 in the morning and I am so hungover right now I'm about to take the kids I'm babysitting to mf'ing Popeyes bc that's all I want in this world
I have a vagina. So i automatically win.
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