You don't give head? I'm offended and I don't even have a cock...
i just threw up ON my final. epic way to end the semester.
Hey man sorry, can't talk. I'm already taking risks by ripping the bong on this conference call.
I JUST WANT TO WATCH PORN BUT THE CAT IS JUST SITTING HERE LICKING HIS BALLS. I CAN'T DO IT.
Also, at 1:30 I emailed myself saying, "are you there Margaret? It's me, god"
This year I'm going to try NOT getting arrested. I think the 30th birthday is the cutoff for calling Mom to bail me out.
You were fucked up like a footballbat trying to eat gum off your shoe. And that wasn't even the nights lowest point.
I got a thank you card in the mail from the virgin i slept with on the camping trip. Weird or the new classy?
Everything is just really out of control. I hear puking from three different parts of the house. Roger has black eye from being punched. Kaiser tried shaving his head, but somehow burned himself. Music is bumping, but everyone is either puking and calling out for help or blacked the fuck out.
Oh I will totally be your beard, but on one condition I get to watch you and your boy friend have sex.
An hour is enough time for me to get drunk and win a dry hump marathon so I hope you have somewhat similar or better goals
'TWAS BUT A GLORIOUS SIGHT. BITCHES.
I love how when they see that I'm upset their initial response is to offer me ecstasy
I say camping because "let's go get hammered in the woods" sounds kinda fucking weird to be honest.
He brought over a bottle of tequila and a box of donuts with the Plan B, so I guess you could say things are getting pretty serious.
Randomize
