I think my grandma died before she was convinced I was straight
Me too!
So shortly after drunk sex...she starts crying and saying..." you don't care about me, you never do anything nice for me" so I called her a cab
you went into starbucks asked for a mocha "on the rocks"
My hand is eating my burrito and not saving any for my mouth. TRIPPPPPPPPPPPPPPINN!
To be honest I don't know what's worse, the fact that I interupted their shower sex or the fact that I was so drunk I used the adjoining stall anyway
Howd you meet this guy?
I found him next to my pants on sunday morn.
Oh you're gonna love this story. I almost cut off a little girl's pony tail.
I got back at him the only way I knew how, by hooking up with the guy he hates from their rival fraternity.
No cash. I had to buy four bowls of soup to meet the credit card limit. I'm not even upset. SO MUCH SOUP.
guy at the bar just asked how many cows we have on our land, then proceeds to ask me out. you know your from the country when....
...Just this whole adulting thing gets in the way of mermaid drag shows at lesbian bars.
I'm going to talk him into letting me tie him up, and then just leave him that way and go meet you for fro-yo.
WHY ARE THE COPS ALWAYS AT DENNYS WHEN IMDRUNK!?
Get over here and bring your drill!!! The strippers next door need help installing a stripper pole by their pool
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