When my kids ask how I lost my virginity Im going to have to tell them of a mythical thing called "Myspace" and how strangers could lure you into their "den of love" thanks to clever quotes and graphics
My wife caught me jerking off, I had to tell her I was thinking bout her
This fat girl in front of me just got on the bus to go 2 blocks. Do you think she ever wonders why shes fat?
One blow job doesn not make me gay.
i really appreciated the lovely drunk rendition of whitney houstan's "i wanna dance with somebody" you left on my voicemail.
Just saw a woman with a Pomeranian in her bra. Way to step up your game Seattle.
I just met the neighbor hes a self proclaimed coke dealer/ softporn producer.
I told her we could be friends and she said the last time i told her that we had sex behind a bar at 4am
he screamed PILLOW FIGHT and hit branden in the head with a pillow that had a fifth of vodka in it. then he asked why he wasnt laughing
Passing out on a toilet is not classy no matter what you're wearing. Not even a pea coat.
It was bitter sweet because I woke him up with sex but then I peed in his bed with him in it
I almost had sex in a public restroom last night in case you're wondering how much of a mess 22 is for me
I knew I'd like her from the moment she supported me messing around with my co-worker on my lunch break
I just realized I wasn't at the party anymore. I was just sitting there with a vacuum.
If my dick was big enough to fuck the eye of a hurricane, I would.
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