How long do you think herpes can live on chapstick?
im in a kiddie pool, high, with a keg in arms reach. If i had a sandwich and a blowjob this would be the best day ever
Riding home in a carseat. Worst. Night. Ever.
My low point of the night was when my roommate spit out her jello shot and i took it...
dude, boobs are like the porridge in goldylocks
her body is proportioned like a family guy character
You crawled through a doggy door 5 times for a shot if cheap vodka.
That's because "bed time" is my sex playlist. If you're trying to fall asleep use "nap time"
So the bartender from Applebees totally looks like he would take his clothes off for $40
I like how you possess the gift that turns normal guys into strippers
I feel like we have both made good decisions regarding our vaginas lately
I. recorded a message of me yelling at myself to "get up out of that bed" and set it an alarm. REALLY loud
Also I'm so used to having sex with river guides that when he pulled out a condom I was actually surprised
Is there such thing as dick sucking teeth guards?
Wait, how many people just saw my dick?
I’m not saying you’re wrong, I’m just saying he’s denying what you’re saying.
Randomize
