just caught a 10 year old kid staring at my dick next to me in the urinal. i just nodded to him and said yeah, mines bigger little dude. i gotta stop drinking in public....
Lost my virginity in a banana suit. Glad I waited.
I'm sick of being the only unemployed member of the group. Doing things alone isn't partying. Its sad.
Were going to have to vacuum the bathtub, great party
$200 on plane. $110 on train. $5 per drink on plane. $15 per case on train. Plane 1 hour flight. Train 9 hour excursion. Hmmmmm.
The cute guy in my class hurt himself and is on crutches. My first thought was "Good. He'll be easier to take down." Like he's a gazelle and I'm a dick tiger. What's wrong with me?
I feel like I got hit by a bus. A head on collision with my vag.
Less than a month to graduation and I'm still blacking out on the reg tonguing down the closest breathing organism preferably with a penis but I'm flexible, and still havent figured out how to be functional on Fridays. WHY don't they teach us valuable shit at this institution!?
Oh we were great hosts that night. We made sure to leave all the beds open by passing out on the bathroom floors instead.
Captain America stopped by our tailgate. He ate a taco.
When she saw "buy condoms" on my to do list she figured out pretty quick we were breaking up.
Just went grocery shopping with a vibrator in my purse and didn't even realize it. This is what Saturdays are made for.
I've never had someone have to dis-arm themselves before I sucked their dick prior to that
IN OTHER NEWS did you guys see Orlando Bloom's penis today? I did
I would have wore underwear last night if I knew I had to change a tire this morning
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