I only want to know people that are dynamic intelligent and totally insane
I just got three quarters of the way there before I realized I was way too stoned for class so I bought a smoothie and walked home.
She said "Lay the fuck down and ill show you how its done. Ill get us both off." I did. And she did. Best words ever said before sex.
This is one of those situations that make me think to myself "what life decision did I make to get here"
Accidentally spilled a drink on her roommates skirt, offered to clean it, and got a blowjob out of the deal. Something went horribly right.
I JUST MACED MY OWN FACE
This is by far the best text I have ever woken up to.
I had a moment while I was smoking where I was looking at these palm trees and I knew how dr Seuss came up with his characters.
He walked straight into the wall, said "excuse me ma'am" and continued back to his dorm room.
She dressed up in a sexy maid outfit for me, but she got mad when I asked her to actually do some cleaning.
In the middle of our bar crawl last night we stopped to pet dogs at a dog park. who would let a drunk person bet play with their dog???
Explaining that I bought them at a strip club gift shop with my friend didnt make the furry handcuffs seem less weird
She's not answering my calls
Well it sounds like you really fucked up
WHO HOLDS A GRUDGE OVER MEMES
IF THE SUNS NOT EVEN OUT THEN WHY IS HIS DICK OUT WTF
Is it just me or did we have a heart to heart talk while you were naked last night?
Thanks for driving us home last night. Also, blanket apology for anything I may have said/done. I blacked out sometime near the t-shirt cape incident
Randomize
