mark tries to be a total badass to make up for the fact that he's a poor man's pete wentz
Astroglide: It's like Bengay for your ass.
the semester is winding down: time to procrastinate by googling cheap keg options
Their flight hasn't even left yet and the 'buy food to keep yourself alive' budget is gone on tequila.
Just looking for some anal play. An attempting to read atonement. The highbrow/lowbrow divide is striking.
For some reason 'start yourself on fire drunk' isn't nearly as funny after last 4th of july..
wtf are you talking about? You vomit-splattered the cop from the balcony. The cop YOU called because you drunk-dialed 911 because a 5 year old ate the last donut.
it was a krispy kreme
I thought it went well, but he just sent me a video of me sucking an icicle on the fire escape of his building with the caption "The ice got more than I did." Somehow I feel like I owe him a blowjob.
I pulled some girls weeve trying to pull the stop cord on the bus
I can't. Currently naked covered in Nair trying desperately to catch his cat that rubbed up on my leg.
I hate that cat.
Thanksgiving day drinking ended up with me in a shopping cart screaming where are the bitches and condoms. I'd say it went well.
I need two food groups: booze and turkey sandwiches
So I "accidentally" brought my road beers into church for this wedding
And they fell out of my pocket on the pew. Made quite a noise...safe to say I'm batting a thousand
I don't think you could pull off being mean.
How do you think I'm still single?
Can’t. Tonight’s a netflix and dick night
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