you can still come hang out if you want
I really don't feel like watching you play video games
woke up and her hair clip was clamped around my shaft
well hello there hangover. fancy meeting you here on this BRIGHT thursday morning.
Here's the thing. I'm really high and have lots of questions about lightning.
No one wears that much makeup to work unless they are trying to fuck their boss, NO ONE
Was just explained ingredients in a four loko. Puzzles of the universe starting to piece together.
I was really sad when you left and cried. And i don't know what a face promise is, but apparently i made you make one.
From scraping the remnants from a coke bag at a lingerie party to meeting with an 80 year old man to discuss civil rights all in under 12 hours bizarrely feels like the epitome of my life
My therapist thinks I shld paint u something to show u my appreciation 4 ur friendship. 1) she must think I'm rite on the brink of no friends 2) this is real
He snapchatted me his dick and he's circumcised....BRB going to hug his Mom
I wonder how many people saw me whip my junk out and bang it on the light post in front of holabird bar and liquors last night. I'm about tired of having to do that.
Nobody saw you except the people in the bar, because you weren't outside. You were inside, and you were smacking it on the mens bathroom door handle
I really hate whoever invented fireball.
She caught me by google maps... Lets just say it wasnt her car in front of the house.
maybe i should limp back to therapy...
oh yeah will you also bring home vodka i wanna do shots on the roof
I've got a surprise in the fridge when you get back.
Is it a puppy?
i think if a sober person was watching us they would have not thought we were witty
Randomize
