Just got a citation from campus security for an "accordion disturbance."
The pickup line "You look exactly like my sister" would only work in Arkansas...SCORE!!
Kind of a slow process. Played 9 holes with her yesterday. Wish one of them was hers
Blow job in a bar bathroom for my Thing 1 while in a onezie dressed up as Thing 2. Best Halloween ever.
I bet the Cat in the Hat never caused mischief like that.
I'm driving to work with an ice pack on my vagina. how was your weekend?
he was cradling you in his arms feeding you rum straight from the bottle and you kept sucking his fingers.
Besides asking our teacher if he enjoyed being fisted did I have any other tragic moments last night?
Bro that's the last time I try to stick my penis in a bowl of jello. I can't believe your sister ate that, did she not see my dick mold
Seriously, I am going to crawl in a hole, sew my vagina shut, and spit acid on any man that comes near me.
Also, I guess I made friends with the guy who caught me peeing behind a bush.
also, sleeping with your chipotle guy sounds like a good idea until you want chipotle on your day off and have to look somewhat presentable to acquire said chipotle.
I just want to smoke this blunt and eat pizza rolls while watching The Price Is Right with you.
She's walking to the bar while holding a fifth of fireball, talking on the phone and puking like its nothing out of the ordinary
You know your life has gone downhill when someone has to preface your night with "don't get locked in a porta potty"
I want a musical about memes.
Randomize
