omh. i just found SHIT IN THE SHOWER! who the fuck does that? and why do i always seem to find it?
:( I miss blowjobs.
This is probably the strangest conversational segue we've ever had.
Jager Bombs are cool, but hydrogen bombs are where it's at. Sparks and jager equals instant black out, I mistakenly tried eating a cigarette thinking it was a nacho.
I gave up sex for lent.
I guess that means I'm postponing our date until after Easter.
I can't believe he would be such an ass
Your boobs are way too big for you to be worrying about anything.
I meant to tell you earlier: bad life decision saturday has been moved wednesday this week
I had to get my boss birth control a work today. I knew going to ASU would come in handy in my career someday.
It's like she fell out of an MTV reality show and no one knows how to send her back
PENIS EMOJIS WOULD MAKE MY LIFE SO MUCH EASIER GAH WHY DOES THE WORLD HATE ME
Bourbon is too strong for my cat, he does not want to drink it
Does he know you were at a strip club taking shots of tequila right before you babysat his son?
I Woke up still tied to the bed. I would say, it was a good night!
He asked me if I've ever had my ass ate and there was no polite way to say yeah your brother's pretty in to that 😂 I went with "no"
I think i got my first booty call. it was like she came to my house. sex. leave.
Congratulations. Welcome to the wonderful world of quick dirty secret sexy time.
thanks... i think. haha
Never let the horse trainer ride you, always ride the horse trainer. I have huge bruises on my thighs from his hip bones. That's how hard he rode me
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