I can tell how much and what I drank by my morning shits
Brickbreaker makes my post drinking poops that much better. Sorry, I had to tell someone who might agree.
What's the rule on cocaine before dinner?
Its 11 o'clock somewhere
So apparently the bar gave out free condoms, which I now have a pocket full of. Why is drunk me shoving the fact that I'm single and not getting laid in sober me's face...
Whoever put the picture of my dad in the condom box is an asshole
There were two girls and a guy on a bed and now i can put porn director on my resume.
I looked the guy across the room straight in the eyes and said, "If you were any closer to me, we'd be making out right now."
I ran into a hotel and told the doorman he was doing a great job. That was before you cried on my jacket.
I guess there's no delicate way to say "I'm 90% sure I sucked his dick in the bathroom of the bar."
Today is my 3 year wedding anniversary...and I've seen three different dicks.
Can we both just take a day off just to have sex? Is that acceptable as an adult?
We should have a mid-burrito sex-break, too. Just so we don't get too full all at once
Good point.
I just want him to hold me after a bad midterm. Is that even too much to ask for after sleeping with him twice?
I'll be honest, this year's Vegas trip will be nothing short of disappointing if there's no repeat of the angry ménage a trios in a closet.
I know you’re not my dad, but you’re someone dad. And you’re also like a second dad to me who I also send nudes to as well. Happy Father’s Day
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