Whats up?
Drunk as a mother trucker with panties on her thumbnail..laying thee down
Stay up. I'm coming home in a little
Ill try..hurry!!!! Thine hour awaits you
There's a dildo in the cheerios box here...
Omg. If Ina Garten Makes roast chicken one more time im going to strangle her with her white button down
As long as they suck a good dick I don't care what fruit they have and where they have it
sold 4 oz of weed today pantsless. man i love college.
I just remember being in the bathroom alone cussing out the bunny
There just aren't enough words in the English language to convey my deep and abiding love of your cock. So I am beefing up on my Portuguese.
My wife ladies and gentlemen! Love ya babe.
You were drunk it couldn't have been that bad
I've never been drunk enough to enjoy getting a blister on my dick.
Also, I called my liver hardcore in front of vet students last night and then wound up having three of them trying to palpate it. So...not saying that again.
Gonna play a drinking game called drink til I feel my emotions. The things I do so I can be a therapist
When you left the bar, you did two cartwheels and a heel click and RAN ALL THE WAY HOME.
Just used the handle end of a spatula to get the baggie of coke wedged between my passenger seat. Innovation points?
reason #326 why I'm still single.... my date just told me there's a little boy ghost that lives in his closet because he likes his music.
Okay, I just reached peak living alone
I ate a piece of chocolate cake while jerking off
3 words: harry potter burlesque. My life is so much more awesome than yours right now.
Randomize
