I decided to name her "day after thanksgiving" because I am sure I just got someone elses leftovers.
The worst mistakes make the best memories. Write that down.
True life I used my fake as a photo id for my final. My professor told me good luck and laughed. Hope the bouncers are in the St. Patrick's day spirit.
guess who has a date tonight
look at you growing up, going on dates before she hops into bed
I found a picture of my kindergarten class. Now you can see whose peer pressure I succumbed to.
It's sad because pictures are supposed to say a thousand words, and theirs just say 'fat'
it's just one of those nights where i don't care if anyone sees my vagina
I hope you realize that its not me making that decision, but rather the combination of my genitals and sexual orientation
Going to a professional golf course at 2am to throw the flag poles like javelins
Dude. Cvs sells sex toys. And my discount works on them. Game on.
I don't fucking know. I'm out stimulating the economy. Not locked in a room with a marker board.
Oh at the liquor store again?
just chugging fertility tea and vodka, no big deal.
Remind me to tell you about this weekend with them. It was the least fun I have ever had drinking. And I have thrown up pork and beer through my nose on the side of the freeway.
I would like to reiterate that I went to give lessons and ended up having a three way instead
I s2g I’m about to get ghosted by a 34 yr old and my Oedipus complex cannot take it
Randomize
