Writing my paper on freud at bar
??
Going up to girls and asking if they were anal explosive or anal retentive as children
Smooth
Damn. That makes sense
I know im like the sherlok holmes of sexual problems
like what am i supposed to say "im thinking of how bad that sex was"?
So me and friend just finished Eiffel towering this girl and sounds great in theory but after the high five has commenced its just a weird threesome especially when you make eye contact with your buddy during the session
I really want to shower but i'm afraid i'll sober up. My mouth feels like a stripper pole too...
I walked out of the bedroom naked holding a used condom only to be greeted by half of my family. Happy birthday mom
I was so exhausted I thought about using my deep throat spray to stop my coughing.
We didn't have sex because he locked himself in the bathroom and passed out while he was taking a shit. I cuddled with his cat.
I woke up with the Dorothy costume at my ankles, both sparkly red shoes on, and clutching ToTo....we're not in Kansas anymore, dude
Fun fact: drinking me now steals weaponry
I can't wait to see you again...not a euphemism, just really looking forward to seeing you. Wanting to fuck you as often as possible just seems implied at this point.
She's currently doing somersaults across the kitchen floor without underwear on. We may not make it to the bar.
For future reference, don't put tape on your nipples. Ouch.
She tried doing a backflip and ended up doing somersaults down the entire stair case.
I woke up and there is a small Irish man playing call of duty in my room. Discuss.
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